I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

In theory, I'm giving it until July 23.

Quite frankly, it'll be a miracle if I can ignore it that long.

Until then, all I can do is grin and bear it

sing and dance, smile and laugh,

as if I ever had a choice.

It's been a long Sunday. It's been a long sick day and half the medication in the Western Hemisphere wouldn't cut it for this bug. It's been a long study day. Since 7:15 this morning, I have been reading, studying, and writing. I'm burning out quickly today. On a happier note, however, I have the first page and a half done on my 15+ page research paper, which may not seem like a lot since it is due in 2 weeks, but trust me, that is a big improvement, considering sophomore year I wrote my entire paper the night before. 

The day hasn't been all that bad, or at least it wasn't after I worked through my everyday morning blues. It's just been a long day. I'm growing weary of these long days. I don't want to be cooped up anymore. All I can think of is being thousands of miles away from here, on another coast, in another city, surrounded by complete strangers who expect nothing me, the same way I expect nothing from them. All I can think of is smelling that East Coastline air and walking until I have permanent blisters in my feet. All I can think of is taking pictures of a new point in my life... pictures that I will never have to look back on and want to tear to shreds. 

On another note, I am tired, and I am alone in this, but I am strong. I will be more than fine regardless of which option I chose. Not a single one of them contains an ounce of easiness, but what else is new? The only things in my life that were ever easy proved themselves too good to be true. 

I've got a million songs stuck in my head, but there's a few I'd like to be able to sing again. For now I'm working on singing new songs, the ones that don't remind me of anything, though they're growing rarer with every passing day. I can only hope to sing the old ones again someday.

Saturday is close. If New York were a melody, I'd sing it over and over and over again. 

Alone on a train aimless in wonder 
An outdated map crumpled in my pocket 
But I didn't care where I was going 
'Cause they're all different names for the same place. 

The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun
And I have no words to share it with anyone
The boundaries of language I quietly cursed 
And all the different names for the same thing.