I believe they call it the Lauren Paradox

How is it possible to feel accomplished, successful, strong, even fulfilled and yet on a parallel plane to feel stuck, purposeless, and empty?

I ran through the streets I grew up in today. Waves of nausea mixed with nostalgia. I saw the places I skipped, the places I danced about with flowers in my hair. I ran across the same sidewalks I used to avoid cracks on, the same sidewalks I rode my bike down. The raspberry bush I tumbled head-over-bike in. I heard the bees I always tried to be so quiet around, because they were always sleeping in the afternoon. I passed the fire hydrant I used to hug and the feelings came back. What was it like before it all fell apart? What would it be like to be naive again, to pretend that life is going to turn out like you always thought it would?

Attempts to trust God only get harder when He sits you down and shows you that He is intent on taking the last of everything that meant anything to you. Waking up each morning is beginning to feel a lot like drowning. There is no amount of distractions great enough, no day busy enough, no person funny enough, no run long enough to make me forget an ounce of this pain. I'm growing weary of this race towards uncertainty. I'm growing tired of seeing a stopping point in the distance, and chasing it like the end of a six-shaded beam of light.