drive in last night. i adore all these new people in my life... they are crazy and spontaneous and everything i could ask for in people to spend the summer with. come september they will all be gone and that's okay. i think that's exactly how it's supposed to be. but somewhere in between all the chaos and all the new experiences, i can't help but stay awake at night wishing i had anyone to call a true and forever friend anymore. it's so hard knowing how much you want to call someone, and not being able to because you don't know what to say... you just want to hear their voice first and know that they're still there. 

my life is so broken right now and i'm making the worst decisions.

and the only thing i want anymore is my best friend back. to know that he's okay, and for him to know that i'm not. i'm not okay and i'm struggling and i'm dying inside without his friendship there.

i can fill up every day with things to do, i can fill my inbox and outbox with text messages to people, and i can spend every waking moment in search of distractions and make sure that i never have to be by myself. but at the end of each and every day, my heart still knows that he's not there. i lie awake almost every night just wanting him in my life more than the nothing there is now. 

i just want to talk.

without him there, nothing feels quite right.

being complete strangers is killing me

i wish he knew.