as much as i shouldn't want this,

i do.

as much as my head says no,

my heart despondently says yes.

it hurts to want everything

& yet nothing

at the same time.

and so is life,

we must learn to fight 

or let it go.

because we can't have it both ways.

and in the meantime,

i will not change my course

i will smile

& i won't regret a thing.

someday, this summer is going to make an incredible story.

in fact, i think it already has.