broke, broken, breaking.
The heart is such a fragile thing. Given so freely and so vulnerably, and yet so confidently. We put all our trust in ideas of forever and claim that even if it isn't, we'll be happy for the time we had. When we fall in love, we have a habit of letting go entirely, floating on promises and hopes and growth together. We build each other up, and we paint pictures in our heads. Love, for all it's worth, is entirely lovely. But love in it's entirety includes the cold and brokenness. Love mourns when the other's heart is lost. Love bends and breaks and reaches out for anything to keep itself afloat. Love hopes and perseveres, and not one single second is ever a regret when our time together ends. Perhaps the hardest part of the breaking of a heart, is learning how to channel the love. A true love is something that will never die. It is a love for another that will survive all, even if it can never be acted upon or allowed to be shown to the other. It flickers in the heart, and as others come and go, it will always be there. And how impossible is the knowledge of your love for someone, and knowing that you have to let them go; that out of love, you must give up your fight and quietly sit aside and tuck that love away? It is so incredibly wearing to not have a way to show that love anymore. And so, with heartbreak, comes the phrase "It just doesn't make sense". Which, if you think about, makes perfect sense. We never know. We don't know how to handle it. We don't understand how one falls out of love, when we are reveling in it. With heartbreak, we learn the feeling of numbness. Once the tears are gone and the nausea has been assuaged, out of confusion and weary exhaustion, we simply tap out for a while. We hurt upon awakening, and do until our eyes finally close during many sleepless nights. We stop caring, and start ignoring the feeling of pain. Often because our hearts just can't take it anymore, but more directly because we just need to not feel for a while. We learn to live life on the edge, and spend some time not considering consequences. We make mistakes, correct them, and in the long run, are thankful for the life lessons. And sooner or later, out of feeling nothing, we start to feel something... peace. We realize that others will come and go in our lives too; that the places they're put and the roles they play will change too. We find out that even from a still broken heart, new buds can grow in undamaged places we didn't know we had left. We learn that nothing fixes and nothing mends, but in time we start smiling again. We still hurt and nurse wounds, but we can put them aside and truly be happy again.
