untitled, & keeping it that way.

Well, I made it for half of the day. Didn't even remember when I woke up this morning. Didn't think I could get that far without even thinking about it. Probably helped that I've been out with friends since the crack of dawn. 

But then of course, in the midst of an air hockey game, I heard someone say today's date and my heart sank. The first "would have been". The first time I can't say happy anniversary and tell him how much he means to me. The first time I get the privilege of watching a 16th pass and feeling absolutely and completely meaningless to the one and only person I want to mean something to. A year and eleven months meant something to me. The memories meant something to me. 

I think I hurt more tonight than I have everyday this month, combined. I took one look at that box and shoved it farther under my bed. 5 months of work wasted. I guess I should've been working on economics projects that whole time instead. 

I hate admitting the fact that I'm probably the only one who remembers. Or maybe that it's that I'm the only one who doesn't want to forget. Note to self- make self more memorable I guess. Another note to self- make self mean something, to someone.

Luckily the time in which I'm writing this is the only 15 minute increment of time I will be alone today. Came home to wash out a cut from the beach, and I'll be back to the party the minute I close my laptop and find my keys. At least I have this week; to still be busy, to still be surrounded by people. Everything's okay as long as I'm surrounded by distractions and chaos. Talk to me after the 23rd and things will be different.